Reiki is a traditional 'energy-based' healing practice, with roots in Japan, though the practice itself has in the last 80 or so years of its existence spread to much of the world beyond Japan, particularly finding widespread appeal in the United States. Reiki is carried out by trained practitioners (either to heal themselves or their 'clients') and there are three degrees of Reiki training. In the first degree of reiki practice, potential practitioners get familiarized with the basic principles of the practice. Among the most basic things learnt at this degree are the way to hold their hands while in practice (in order to make the healing take effect), as well as the Reiki code of conduct and other...
Use Your Emotional Body With Reiki
When you step into your emotional body and use Reiki to get in touch with the alignment of your head and spine, what does it remind you of? Think back to an earlier time in your life (but only if you want). Were there times in your life you remember when these parts of your body were key players in specific events? If you can pinpoint these events - then you can send loving Reiki in order to heal your past timelines. When those events are healed within your emotional body (use all 3 level 2 symbols), it is likely the pain in those physical body parts that hold those painful emotions will also smooth and release. It is like erasing the effects of the pain while still being fully capable of keeping...
Reiki symbols are sacred healing symbols that open the doors of healing for its practitioners. These symbols provide a path for the flow of energy and lead one to higher levels of awareness and manifestations. Each symbol holds some form of meta-physical energy. In written scriptures, these symbols are considered to be Sanskrit derived Japanese forms. Reiki has four symbols, which are: Cho ku Rei, Sei He Ki,Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen and Dai ko Myo. Cho ku Rei is the symbol of power. Though Reiki energy can flow without it, the symbol provides a source of energy. It is usually used in the beginning of the healing process. It can also be used in the middle or the concluding phase; in fact, whenever energy...
The Reiki Symbols Revealed
There are several Reiki symbols but most Reiki modalities use just four. Symbols are thought to possess a unique vibrational energy that helps facilitate the Reiki treatment. When they first were discovered and introduced to the Reiki practice, the symbols did not have names. They were simply called by numbers, from one to four. However, since each one of them conveys a specific purpose, they were given names. The first symbol is called Cho Ku Rei and it is considered the Power Symbol. This means that during Reiki treatment the power of the universe is called upon to aid in the healing. Its literary translation is "place all the power of the universe right here." Through this symbol, the Reiki...
The opening of the crown chakra in Reiki is usually the first step that is taken with the healing process. The chakra is known to be the place where the consciousness can be awakened, making it an important first step in the healing process. In relation to this, there are several ways and techniques that Reiki practitioners will use when working on and with the crown chakra. The crown chakra is located from the top of the head and moves upward and outward past the body. This chakra will always be the first portal to be opened. This is because it is the point where the soul and the physical body cross over. The crown chakra is also known to be the part of the soul that is the pure being. Many will...
What is Reiki? Part One
In the Japanese language, Reiki is actually 2 words, Rei-Ki, meaning Universal Life Force Energy. Everyone has Reiki as it is the energy of life itself. Reiki is not a religion, not a doctrine, not a creed. It is a method of energy healing that emanates from the Source of creation. Reiki was originally written in the Sanskrit Scrolls, however had been a lost practice until Dr. Usui completed his 25 year quest to discover how to heal the body. His quest ended with a 21 day fast on Mount Kurama-yama. On the 21st day of his fast he received a vision of the Reiki symbols and was given the ability to use the Reiki to help others as well as the ability to pass on the Reiki symbols and...
Barbara sought my help because of her chronic fatigue. She had beengoing to different kinds of doctors and trying different nutrition plans for years and nothing was helping her. One of the doctors suggested thatshe try psychotherapy. In became evident early in our work together than Barbara was deeplyaddicted to thinking the worst. Constant negativity went through hermind about every aspect of her life. She would get out of her car andworry about getting robbed. In social situations, she would tell herselfthat people didn't like her. She was always worried about money, eventhough she was a successful graphic designer. Her husband couldnever do anything right. There was something wrong with every...
"I cringe every time Debra says to me, 'Let's talk about our relationship,'" Chad told me in one of our phone sessions. "What is it about talking about your relationship that makes you cringe?" I asked. "It always seems to be about something I'm doing that she is upset about and wants me to change." "Then why do you listen?" "Aren't I supposed to listen? Aren't people supposed to talk about their relationship? Aren't I supposed to care about her feelings?" "Yes, it is wonderful when people can openly talk about their relationship, with a deep desire to learn about themselves and each other. But when one person wants to talk about what the other is doing wrong, it doesn't feel good and it won't get...
Mastering Your Mind Power - Your Number 1...
Now that you have the three major components you need in your quest of mastering your mind power, these questions might come to you: What do I do now? Where do I start? Both are great questions; but before I give you my answer, or more truthfully, my suggestion, I would like you to drift back in your imagination to the day of birth. I would like you to also imagine that you're being born into a family that is among what I call the five percenters, that 5% of the population that understands how the mind works and knows the importance of filling your clean-slate mind with positive, nurturing, success-producing thoughts, ideas and images. Your parents know that by instilling positive, wealth-building...
What if there were just two choices you could make to insure that next year would be wonderful? There actually are, and these choices are quite simple in concept, yet not easy to do. They are not things you do on the outside, such as exercising your body (which is always a good thing to do!) but ways of thinking and being on the inside. These have to do with your attitude and your intent. GRATITUDE I'm sure you've all heard of the "attitude of gratitude." Studies show that the happiest and most successful people in the world are those who consistently live their lives with an attitude of gratitude, who see their cup as half full rather than half empty. Let's take an example. Alan and...
Journaling Techniques
> Journaling Techniques By: Christin Snyder So far we have discovered many of the benefits journaling provides. Some of them include: at-a-glance records of health/diet issues, spiritual/emotional healing, dream interpretation, and creative inspiration. The list is ongoing, but the point is they can be of great benefit to anyone who uses them. Journaling is something that can be personalized to suit the needs of every individual. Journals are not just diaries where you spend hours each day recording all your deepest, darkest, secrets. Journals can be very practical, and in many cases, can simplify the lives of those who use them. Everyone can find at least one style of journaling to benefit from...
What to Do When You Are Alone for the Holidays
Being alone for the holidays is a major challenge for many people. Holidays often conjure images of family, of warmth and the sharing of special time. Loneliness can be overwhelming when you have no one with whom to share holiday time. Many people, however, miss the point of what holidays are really about and what makes them special. Holidays are not about what you GET - they are about what you GIVE. Many people are under the misconception that the joy of holidays is about what you receive rather than about what you share. Our hearts get filled with love when we give and share love, rather than from getting love. This may seem like a paradox. Many people spend their time with others attempting to...
Self Improvement - Leisure Time, Retirement Time
You've worked all your life and now you are looking forward to retirement. How will you spend your time? Many people have not created balance in their lives between work and play, so when it comes to leisure time or retirement, they don't know what to do with their time. If you no longer have to work, or you are working less, here are five areas that you can attend to regarding how you spend your time. Physical Health Consider joining a gym, getting on a regular exercise program, taking up a sport, taking dance lessons, and/or learning yoga or tai chi. Leisure years can be filled with aliveness if you take excellent care of your health. Do some research on nutrition and learn how to create healthy...
The fight or flight response is a natural response to danger. Our bodies are created to fight or flee when danger is upon us, such as being attacked by a mountain lion. When faced with this kind of danger, the stress hormones pour into our body, causing some blood to leave our brains and organs and go into our arms and legs. This is vital to us if we are actually being attacked by a mountain lion or a mugger. The problem is that this same response occurs when we become afraid in other situations, such as conflict with a partner. When in conflict with a partner, we need to have the full capacity of our minds to deal rationally and lovingly with the situation. Yet the moment we become afraid, some of...
Diffusing Anger Or Feeding the Flames
Have you ever had an argument with someone - a partner, spouse, close friend, child, parent or other relative, or a business associate - that started small and spiraled into an intense conflict? Have you ever scratched your head, wondering how it got so out of control? Let's take a look at what feeds the flames of anger and what diffuses it. Feeding the Flames of Anger Emma and Jake have been married for 14 years. They love each other, but they frequently have arguments that escalate into intense fights where both of them end up feeling awful. They've noticed that it doesn't matter what the conflict is about. Just about anything can touch off their anger, defensiveness, and blame. Then the laundry...
Relationships - Letting Go of Problem Solving
"We never seem to be able to solve any problems," Kaylee told me in a phone session. "Every time we sit down to solve a problem, we end up fighting. It doesn't really matter what it is about - it always ends up the same. Is this normal? Aren't couples supposed to be able to solve problems?" "Kaylee, who usually initiates problem-solving talks?" "I do." "When you ask Hayden to talk with you about a problem, how does he usually react?" "He usually rolls his eyes, but he sits down with me." "Do you have any idea why he rolls his eyes?" "Yeah. He doesn't want to have to change." "So when you ask him to sit down with you to solve a problem, he knows that what you are really after is getting him to change...
Fear of Failure - What Does Failure Mean to You?
What do you believe about failure? The ego wounded part of ourselves, the left-brain part of ourselves that has been programmed with many false beliefs, often believes that: "If I fall, I am a failure." "If I fail, I am stupid." "If I fail, no one will like me or value me." "If I fail, then there is no point in ever trying again." "If I fail, it brands me for life as incompetent." "If I fail, then everyone who thought I was smart will now think I am stupid." "If I fail, I will have made a fool of myself." On the other hand, the loving adult part of us - our right brain, open, creative and learning part of us - generally believes that: "If I fail, then I just need to work harder, to put in more...
The Meaning of Life - Happiness?
Some say that the purpose of life is to seek happiness. Is happiness the purpose, or is happiness the result of another purpose? Is happiness the meaning of life, or is happiness the result of discovering what has heart and meaning for you? There is not one right answer to this question. The answer lies within each of us regarding what gives meaning to our life. What Gives Meaning to Your Life? Perhaps, in seeking happiness, we discover what has heart and meaning for us. Is this how it is for you? Or is it the other way around for you? Is happiness for you the result of loving yourself and others? Do you find that when you are open and loving, that you feel filled with happiness? Maybe love and...
A Different Kind of New Year's Resolution
There are two kinds of New Year's Resolutions: 1. What you are going to do to accomplish your goals 2. Who you want to be Many New Year's Resolutions are of the first kind: - I'm going to lose 25 pounds this year - I'm going to exercise every day - I'm going to learn self-discipline - I'm going to double my income - I'm going to learn to fly - I'm going to take piano lessons And so on.... I'm not at all diminishing these kinds of resolutions. It is often very helpful to set these kinds of goals for ourselves. But perhaps this year, you can add another kind of New Year's Resolution - the who-you-want-to-be kind. Who You Want To Be Resolutions What if your primary resolutions had to do with your...
Relationship Advice - Be Willing to Have Your...
As a counselor, I often work with people who are unhappy in their relationship and thinking of leaving. They believe that they are unhappy because of their partner, but the real reason is that they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings within the relationship. For example, when Lila started to work with me, she was convinced that it was her husband's lack of help around the house, his anger, and his unwillingness to communicate with her that was causing her unhappiness. Yet it soon because apparent to me that her unhappiness was being caused by giving herself and care-taking others to avoid conflict. "Lila, you constantly give yourself up and do what others want you to do - not just...
Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored. When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse. The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way to attempt to control children and partners into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this. You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they are invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal...
The Encarta World English Dictionary defines "enmesh" as "to entangle somebody or something in something from which it is difficult to be extricated or separated." Are you entangled with your children in a way that is limiting both you and your children? Parents may enmesh with children when they want control over their children and they want their children to take responsibility for them. By over-involving themselves in their children's lives, they hope to tie their children to them in such a way that their children feel guilty over their parent's pain and responsible for it. There are various ways a parent may enmesh with his or her children: - When parents don't have a strong sense of their own...
Speaking Your Truth Without Blame Or Judgment
How often have you become irritated or angry, given yourself up, started to argue or debate, teach or explain, or withdrew when someone was treating you badly - ordering you around, judging you, blaming you, or dumping their complaints or negativity on you? How often have you behaved in any of these protective, controlling ways when someone is unknowingly interrupting you when you are trying to focus on something or get something done? How do you end up feeling when you behave in any of these ways? The chances are you end up feeling angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, or numbed out. It is easy to believe that these feelings are coming from the other person's behavior toward you, but this is not the...
What Does it Mean to Have Integrity?
When I was in school training to be a psychotherapist, one of my professors introduced me to a concept that I find very valuable: "bad faith." We are in bad faith with ourselves and others when we are out of alignment with what is true for "who we really are." Who we really are - who is this? Let's talk about who you really are in terms of your essential Self - the soul within that is a spark of the Divine. All of us have an essence that is an individualized expression of the Divine. Our essence is love, kindness, peace, joy, and truth. We are in bad faith - not in integrity - whenever we go against our true Self, our essence. The problem is that most people do not operate from their essence. In...
Parenting - Prescribing the Symptom
Rebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him to use his words, walking away and ignoring him, taking away toys and taking away events, such as a birthday party. A couple of times she had lost it and screamed back at him. Nothing was working to get Kevin to stop screaming. Even though screaming didn't work for him to get his way, he kept doing it. As Rebecca and I discussed it in a phone session, it became apparent to me that Kevin and Rebecca were stuck in a power struggle, with Rebecca trying...
Dealing with addicted family members is always a big challenge. There are some important issues to explore when someone you love is harming themselves. ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? People use various addictions to avoid their painful feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, stress, aloneness, emptiness and loneliness. Is there some way that you are contributing to their pain? While you are not responsible for how someone deals with pain, you are responsible for anything you are doing that may be contributing to it. Some of the ways you might be contributing are:o Being judgmental toward the addicted person in an effort to control them regarding their addictions or regarding other...
What is Emotional Dependency?
Are you emotionally dependent? You might want to go through this checklist. __I cannot feel lovable and worthy without another's approval. __I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay. __I don't trust my own feelings. I need others' to validate my feelings. __I am afraid of rejection. I isolate, or try to be perfect, or agree with others, or give myself up, or shut down, and/or do many other things to avoid rejection. __I am afraid to be alone. __I often feel empty inside. __I am often anxious around others. __I am often jealous in my relationships. __I take others' uncaring behavior toward me personally. __I get angry when others do what they want to do instead of what I...
Healthy Guilt, Unhealthy Guilt
Guilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong. Healthy Guilt Healthy guilt is the feeling that occurs when you have actually done something wrong - such as deliberately harming someone. This is an important feeling, which results from having developed a conscience - a loving adult self who is concerned with your highest good and the highest good of all. People who never developed a conscience and feel no guilt or remorse over harming others are called sociopaths. These people have no loving adult self and can wreck havoc - stealing, raping, killing - without ever feeling badly about it. Healthy guilt results in taking responsibility for our choices and...
"The more tranquil a [person] becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom." --James Allen, 1864-1912, Author of As A Man Thinketh Of all the challenges in life, calmness of mind is probably one of the greatest challenges for many people, especially in our busy urban society. One of the reasons for this is that most of us have been far more trained to think from our left-brained programmed mind than from our holistic, spiritually connected, creative right brain. Our programmed ego mind is deeply devoted to controlling our own feelings as well as others' feelings and actions and the outcome of things. It likes to...
"At work, every time I have to speak at meetings, I get so stressed." "I'm taking a class and I'm always afraid to raise my hand and ask a question." "I'm fine one to one, but as soon as I get into a group, I'm so tense I can hardly stand it." "I'm totally relaxed with my women friends, but as soon as I'm with a guy I like, I can't be myself." Each of these people are anxious and stressed because they want to get approval and avoid disapproval. What are they telling themselves that is causing their anxiety? "Oh God, I better not forget what I want to say and make a fool of myself." "The teacher might think the question I want to ask is a dumb one." "If I say the wrong thing no one will like me." "I...
Anxiety - A Lack of Reality
Brent started to work with me after his wife, Carla, suddenly decided to leave the marriage. They had been married five years and Brent thought everything was fine. Then Brent became ill and Carla withdrew. And then she was gone. Brent was devastated. He loved Carla and wanted her back. However, he soon learned that she had not been honest with him, even from the beginning of their relationship. He learned that she had been more interested in his money than in him. She was ruthlessly going after his money. After a couple of months, Brent was doing better. He had let go of Carla and had started to date. Then Carla sent him an email where her tone was softer then it had been, and this sent Brent back...
Why Don't I Have Friends?
"Why don't I have friends?" asked Isabella. Isabella, 25 and very attractive, was having a problem that many people have. Sometimes, if people don't keep their high school friends or meet friends in college or at work, they may have trouble making friends. Yet there are many people who seem to be able to make friends wherever they go. What is the difference between Isabella and these people who easily make friends? Actually, there is a big difference. The difference has to do with intent - with WHY a person wants to be friends. Take a moment to go inside and be honest with yourself. Which is more important to you regarding making friends: * To get caring? * To share caring? It was obvious to me that...
Connecting With Your Higher Self
When you want to listen to a particular radio station, you tune your radio to that station, tuning in to a particular frequency. Same when you want to watch a particular show on TV. It is the frequency you tune into that determines what you hear and what you see. Our brains operate in very much the same way, except that we have only two stations we can tune into - the ego station and the higher-self station. The ego station is the station that originates in the programmed mind, which contains all our limiting beliefs that create our fears. The ego station is our wounded self, our false self - the protected self we learned to be as we were growing up and needed to find ways to have control over...
Why Are My Partners Always Needy?
Angelo had been married to Serena for 15 years before divorcing. In his marriage, Angelo was a caretaker, always trying to please Serena, always trying to get her approval and avoid her disapproval. Serena was a taker - handing responsibility to Angelo for her happiness and often angry with him when he didn't do what she wanted. Inside, Serena was deeply insecure, too insecure to even work, so she completely relied on Angelo financially. Angelo felt very lonely in his marriage, which is what led to his decision to divorce. "There was no love or affection, just demands," Angelo told me in our first phone session. Soon after separating from Serena, Angelo met Barbara. At the beginning Barbara was kind...
Healing Social Phobia
WHAT IS SOCIAL PHOBIA? Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on. People with social phobia experience extreme anxiety or panic when they know that they have to talk or interact with others. They often find themselves isolating rather than risk the rejection or ridicule that they fear. People with social phobia may be saying things to themselves such as: * What if I make a fool of myself? * What if I can't think of anything to say? * What if I say something stupid? * What if people think I'm weird? * What if no one wants to talk with me? * What if everyone can see...
Giving Up - Have You Given Up on Yourself?
"I feel like giving up," Emma told me in our first phone session. "I've worked and worked on myself and I'm still miserable. I've had years of therapy and I still feel unbearably depressed. Nothing is working." It sounds to me like you are abandoning yourself." "What do you mean? I take good care of myself. I eat well, exercise daily, work hard and take care of finances - in fact I'm doing really well financially - and I pamper myself. I get massages, get my nails done, and buy beautiful clothes. I have a nice house, a caring husband, and two wonderful children. I DO take care of myself, which is why I feel like giving up. I don't get why you are telling me that I'm abandoning myself." "What are you...
I have counseled couples for almost 40 years, and it still thrills me when a couple, especially a couple with children, choose to work on their troubled marriage instead of leave it. It is my experience that when two people really want to save their marriage, they can. Even if one person wants to work on the marriage and the other doesn't, but the other is committed to staying in the marriage, great change and healing can occur. It actually takes just one person to change a codependent system, but when both are devoted to doing their inner work, miracles can happen very quickly. Such is the case with Robert and Karen, married 14 years with two children. The essential problem in troubled...
Actions of Love
Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because sheoften felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, shedid not value herself in her important relationships with friends andfamily. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship butshe took no actions to meet available men. In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarelytook loving action in her own behalf with her friends and family. Forexample, Jessica, one of Myrna's friends, would often get angry andblame Myrna when Myrna was not available for dinner with Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica's feelings and meether for dinner even when she was...
Addiction to Worry
Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. "What if I never get well?" "What if my husband gets sick?" "What if I run out of money?" (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). "What if my son gets into drugs?" "What if my kids don't get into good colleges...
From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a "special" place in the family as the baby and the only girl. She made sure to establish a "special" relationship with her mother, who relished the connection since she didn't have much of a relationship with her emotionally distant husband. It was easy for Jennifer to control her mother's attention. Because her mother was needy for emotional connection and afraid of not being liked, all Jennifer had to do was get angry at her mother and Sarah would capitulate, giving Jennifer the attention she craved. Jennifer learned early to control her mother by...
I'm So In Love, So Why Am I Depressed?
"I've waited so long for love to come into my life, yet now that it's here, I'm depressed. I can't figure this out," complained Elayne in one of ourphone counseling sessions. "Todd is really terrific. He's all I've beenwanting in a man - open, caring, and emotionally available. I really thinkthere is something wrong with me." "When did you start to feel depressed?" I asked. "Well, I think it started last week right after we spent a wonderfulweekend together." "What happened after the weekend?" "It was Sunday evening. We had just come back from an early dinner,and Todd wanted to watch a movie with me on TV. I told him that Iwanted to go to the gym because I hadn't worked out in a few days. Hesounded...
Mark sought my help because he was thinking of leaving his wife, Linda. He had not been feeling in love with Linda for a long time, but they hadtwo children and he really didn't want to break up the family. "Mark," I asked, "Were you ever in love with Linda?" "Yes, at the beginning of our relationship." "Then what happened?" "Linda seemed to get really insecure once I started my new businessand had long work days. Even though I think I gave her a lot of attentionon the weekends, she started getting angry pretty much every day. Thenafter our son was born, she seemed even more unhappy and irritable. She gets mean when she's angry and I just don't find that appealing. Idon't feel close to her anymore...
How Can I Stop Feeling Jealous?
"I know that my boyfriend loves me, but he has a lot of women friends. I don't get why he has to have so many women friends. I get scared and jealous when he spends time with another woman. I know I should trust him, but I don't, and I don't know what to do about this." "My wife is a very social person and makes friends easily, with both men and women. I keep feeling that one of these days she is going to meet a man who offers her more than I do. I feel insanely jealous whenever another man even looks at her. What do I do about these feelings?" I frequently receive emails from people asking how they can stop feeling so jealous. Jealousy is caused by not knowing who you really are. By who you really...
Relationship Breakup - Heartbreak and Healing
Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr. Right." "I am so heartbroken," sobbed Lindsay. "I don't know how I'm going to get through this. It feels like my heart is breaking apart. I love Jake so much and I thought he loved me too. I don't get how this could have happened, or why it happened. I feel like I can't live without him." "Tell me about your relationship with Jake." "We met through a mutual friend and hit it off right away. We have so much in common. Within a couple of months we were talking about marriage and children. But about six months into the relationship, Jake started to get a...
When Someone Rejects You, Who Are They Rejecting?
The fear of rejection is a huge issue in relationships. For some, the fear is so huge that it stops them from being in a relationship. For others, it plagues them throughout their relationships and causes much anxiety. Rejection is a part of life, and learning to lovingly manage it is very important to our wellbeing. To help you learn to move beyond the fear of rejection, I would like to help you see who a person is rejecting when they reject you. Are they rejecting your wounded self or your core Self? Your wounded self is the self you created when you were growing up to protect yourself from pain. This is the ego - the part of us filled with fear and false beliefs, and many ways of trying to get...
The Power of Positive Thinking - Does it Work...
I was recently at the home of a friend's daughter and she had affirmations taped on the walls everywhere. Are these helpful to you? I asked. Not really, she answered. I do them all the time but they don't seem to be doing anything. I've read about the law of attraction - that like attracts like - and I'm trying to just think positive thoughts. I wonder why it isn't working? Maybe the law of attraction isn't real. Knowing of the work I do, she was interested in my opinion of this. What do you think about the law of attraction? she asked. The problem is that most affirmations are stated from the conscious level of our mind. But there is another level, a subconscious level, that is also thinking...
Controlling behavior: Behavior intended to control your own feelings,control how people feel about you and treat you, or control the outcomeof things. All of us have grown up learning many different ways to control - wehad to as part of our survival. Perhaps you grew up in a family that used anger and criticism as formsof control and this became the role modeling for what you do now. Oryou might have been a child who picked up on anger early, had tempertantrums, and you are still using anger as your primary form of control. If anger and criticism was used in your family, you might have learned torespond to it with compliance - being a good girl or boy. You might havelearned to put aside your own...
Fear of Commitment
In my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking "the wrong people." Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same time. This didn't feel right to her, so she knew that she had to make a choice. Yet she could not seem to decide which relationship was right for her. Susan had been in a relationship with Shawn for two years. Shawn, 43, was a delightful man, fun loving and sweet. However, Shawn would emotionally disappear for long periods of time, and he was clear that he did not want children - which was very important to Susan. In...
Healing the Fear of Intimacy
Why would someone be afraid of intimacy? Don't we all want to feel close and connected with someone? Yes, of course we want that, but there are very real fears that keep us from opening to emotional intimacy in a primary relationship. The Fears What is the first fearful thought you think when you think of feeling close to someone? "I'm going to be rejected or I'm going to be abandoned." "I'm going to be smothered, engulfed, controlled. I will lose myself." "If I lose the person I love through death, I can't handle the pain." These are the fears that are behind the fear of intimacy. It's not the intimacy itself, but the bad things that can happen that are sometimes part of an intimate relationship...
Less Talk, More Action!
It is time for less talk and more action - loving action. Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear. Many people who have been on a path of personal and spiritual growth have spent a lot of time talking. Talking with friends about what is wrong and what they want. Talking with therapists about their past and their beliefs. Talking with a mate about what needs changing. They have explored and explored and talked and talked - and not much has changed. Exploring our limiting beliefs and where we got them is essential for opening the door to loving action, but taking...
When Not to Start a Relationship
Have you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced? Are you thinking about dating again? Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to start a new relationship? Here are some questions to ponder: 1. Are you fully over your last relationship, or do you still have hope of reconciliation? If you still fantasize about getting back with your partner, then you are not truly available for another relationship. Is there really a possibility of reconciliation, or are you making up the possibility? If there really is a possibility, then it is certainly not time to date. If the relationship is really over, then you need to fully...