| Introduction | | | | standing face to face; see the person as clearly as |
| Mission statements are shifting aim from "guest | | | | you can. What are your expectations of this person? |
| expectations," to, "creating healthy relationships." How | | | | Now imagine being that person, now you are looking at |
| do we create healthy service relationships? | | | | you from their eyes. How do you feel? What do you |
| Many people remember a time when businesses | | | | want to say? What do you want to do? What do you |
| treated customers like royalty. The slogan, "The | | | | expect? You may do some writing as this persona. |
| customer is never wrong," first printed in French to | | | | Part two: Competitive Equals |
| advertise Hotels in 1908, seems to have risen to its | | | | Imagine a competitor, a friend, sibling, or someone you |
| climax in the 1950s, and since then has declined. The | | | | see as equal status. Imagine yourself face to face, and |
| nostalgic often say, "The world is going in the wrong | | | | see them as clearly as you can. Feel as clearly as you |
| direction! The hired help these days refuse to make | | | | can, the emotions and judgments you have toward |
| the customer first." It is true that service is changing, | | | | this person. Now switch. Take some time to feel what |
| but the decline of flattery may indicate a move in the | | | | it is like to be in their shoes, in a competitive relationship |
| right direction. | | | | with you. |
| The waning view is to elevate the customer to a | | | | Part three: Lower to Higher |
| higher status than the server. Why did this work so | | | | Imagine someone that you envy or consider superior. |
| well for a hundred years? Most people, in their private | | | | Switch places with this person and imagine how it |
| thoughts, consider their needs and wants to be more | | | | feels to be the envied one. Write how this feels and |
| real than the needs and wants of others. Customer | | | | thoughts that arise while you inhabit this opposite |
| elevation appeals to that self-important part inside all of | | | | perspective. |
| us. We all want to feel special, members of an | | | | Alternative: Try journaling about a time someone |
| exclusive group, the exalted. It gives you a charge to | | | | pushed your buttons. Once on paper, try writing how it |
| be treated as special. One benefit of customer | | | | must seem from the other person's points of view, |
| elevation is profit: it attracts customers who are willing | | | | from the cellular point of view, from the dog's point of |
| to pay more for that uplifting sensation. Two problems | | | | view--any perspective other than your normal one. |
| arise from customer elevation. For one, the customer | | | | Exercise Three: Unconditional Giving and Taking, or |
| will begin to believe that he really is more important | | | | Tong Len. Attributed to Atisha, 9th Century. |
| than others--a belief that will not serve him in the long | | | | With each exhale, imagine sending from your heart |
| run. Let's give him something better than that! The | | | | everything of yours that you value, into the other |
| second problem is that the server must act inferior, | | | | person. With each inhale, you draw from them |
| and nobody deserves that. | | | | everything unwanted, and take it into your heart. That's |
| The hundred-year trend of customer elevation is | | | | the whole practice. |
| dwarfed by a larger trend--equality. Between 2,900 | | | | Sound challenging? Here is a gentle way to begin, |
| and 2,400 years ago, the Old Testament (Torah), the | | | | which awakens the compassion that is your natural |
| Ancient Greeks, and Confucius all wrote what is now | | | | self. With your first ten breaths, visualize a frightened |
| known as the "Golden Rule," stated as varieties of: | | | | little animal. Of course you would give comfort while |
| "Love others as yourself," and "Treat others how you | | | | taking its fear. Next, visualize a little girl from a war-torn |
| want to be treated." Socrates was put to death for | | | | country, giving your secure home or food while taking |
| demonstrating selfless service 2,400 years ago. What | | | | her sadness. Pace yourself, increasing the challenge in |
| got him arrested was advising everyone to choose | | | | gradual steps because this is a powerful exercise. |
| wisely one's personal leader, to dethrone the loud | | | | Wait until another day and practice with loved ones. |
| voice within that only pursues pleasure and avoids pain | | | | After you have practiced a few weeks or months, |
| (ego), and instead to elect one's quiet voice, or | | | | gradually exchange with the people that push your |
| "essence" as one's personal leader. According to | | | | buttons. |
| Socrates, the essence of a human is naturally patient, | | | | Because breathing into the lungs fills and empties the |
| reverent, non-judging, an tolerant, the source of all the | | | | lungs, which surround the heart, breathing allows you to |
| Virtues. 2,000 years ago the "guy in sandals" repeated | | | | more fully engage your heart in unconditionally giving |
| the ancient decree, "Love others as yourself." He said | | | | and taking. Your heart becomes like a bellows that |
| whatever you do to others, you do to him (ponder that | | | | flows ever-increasing amounts of energy and emotion |
| again after finishing this article). He furthered the golden | | | | through. |
| rule to loving the unclean, the diseased, the sinners, and | | | | You might wonder, what about equality? This exercise |
| especially one's enemies-words he demonstrated | | | | gives all the good to the other person and all the bad |
| through his life, death, and beyond. In 1787 the U.S. | | | | comes to me--that is not equal! Because we begin |
| Constitution stated, "all men are created equal," with | | | | from a state of self-importance, now we must |
| amendments to disregard race and gender following in | | | | practice its equal opposite. Because self-importance |
| 1870 and 1920. In 2008, a man of color and a woman | | | | has had such a head start, we can easily afford to |
| run for President. Perhaps equality is finally sinking in! | | | | meditate with others of greater importance for a few |
| How To Become Equal | | | | minutes a day. |
| Anything you exercise will get stronger! | | | | Students in my Ethics and Reiki classes often tell me |
| How can we become equal with others, when our | | | | this axiom: "You can't heal others until you've healed |
| egos have been fed on, "My gain is more important | | | | yourself," or, "You can't love others until you learn to |
| than your loss?" Three antidotes for self-importance | | | | love yourself." According to my Reiki Teacher, |
| were designed more than a thousand years ago. In | | | | Stephen Bruno, this axiom has been taught backwards. |
| these exercises, equality is achieved through visualizing | | | | He said, "You learn to love yourself by serving others." |
| role reversal, imagining the details and intricacies of the | | | | When you are ready to take on more, try visualizing |
| Golden Rule. Each exercise unveils a different | | | | your outgoing gifts as golden light. Try imagining that |
| perspective of "self" and "other." | | | | you inhale their problems as thick black liquid or smoke |
| Be careful, these are powerful exercises. Each | | | | that leaves their body. Examples of what you may |
| exercise is more potent than the previous. Start with a | | | | imagine giving include; your good health, optimism, |
| few minutes of Exercise One, and over a few months, | | | | wealth, happiness, possessions, relationships, luck, |
| gradually build up to Exercise Three. | | | | karma, and energy. Imaging taking their; pessimism, |
| Equalizing Exercises greatly improve quality of service | | | | meanness, weakness, pain, sorrow, anger, disease, and |
| especially for these professions: | | | | bad luck. |
| · Childcare | | | | Do expect that Tong Len will change you! Do not |
| · Conflict resolution | | | | expect that it will change the other, though this can |
| · Counseling/Coaching | | | | happen. A story is told in Tibet where long ago, a guru |
| · Customer Service | | | | and student looked out of a window. Seeing a dog |
| · Educators | | | | being beaten in the street by its master, the guru |
| · Food Servers | | | | practiced Tong Len with the dog, and the student |
| · Legal Assistance | | | | noticed bruises appear on the guru. Chogyam Trungpa |
| · Mediation | | | | suggests we practice Tong Len with the Earth itself, |
| · Medical professions | | | | inhaling air pollution. He believed this would make a |
| · Hair, Skin, and Nail Services | | | | difference, the skies would actually clear up. The Dalai |
| · Physical Therapies/Bodywork | | | | Lama describes in his book, Healing Anger, how he |
| · Senior Care | | | | continues to practice Tong Len to cure his anger |
| · Yoga and Pilates instructors | | | | toward the Chinese Government, which ousted the |
| Exercise One: Equalizing Self and Other. Attributed to | | | | religious culture in 1959. Can you imagine sending all |
| Shantideva, 7th Century. | | | | your gifts and taking all the karma from the occupier |
| Sitting quietly, contemplate how all people are equal, all | | | | of your homeland? He hopes that one day Tibet may |
| wanting happiness and not wanting to suffer. Meditate | | | | be an autonomous democracy, and he just happens to |
| on these perspectives and add your own: | | | | gain more and more influence in this regard, the more |
| Imagine a world where each person considered others | | | | he practices Tong Len. |
| more important than oneself. Since others outnumber | | | | Teachers say that when you are doing Tong Len |
| me, they would do far more for me than I could ever | | | | correctly, there is a mild discomfort. Then you know |
| do for all of them. I would end up with far more gifts | | | | the practice is hitting its mark, one's self-centeredness. |
| and wealth than I have now, as one person fighting for | | | | Further Study: |
| my needs against others fighting for theirs, who | | | | Lama Yeshe, a beautiful soul who passed in the 1980s, |
| outnumber me. | | | | taught about these three exercises and his lectures |
| Consider a metaphor: within one human body, the hand | | | | have been transcribed on this web page: |
| has separate cells than the leg, but if the leg is | | | | Conclusion |
| threatened, the hand immediately comes to the rescue | | | | Once you have practiced alone for a few weeks, |
| with no thought for itself. Wouldn't it seem unnatural if | | | | months, or years, and know what to expect, it would |
| the hand declared independence, claiming the right to | | | | be safe to attempt doing these exercises in real time |
| defend itself or pursue happiness apart from the other | | | | with actual people. For example, as a massage |
| parts? | | | | therapist, I often imagine inhaling the pain and issues |
| Humans are not castles with impenetrable boundaries. | | | | from the muscles that I am working on. While I am |
| Exchange is natural and normal. Cow manure fertilizes | | | | teaching or coaching, I imagine what it is like to be the |
| plants that you eat, --the carbon that was once part of | | | | student or client looking at their teacher or coach. |
| the cow now are strong bones in you. We breathe in | | | | When I am attending a class, I imagine what it would |
| air that others breathe out. When we hug, heat is given | | | | be like to be my teacher, dealing with me. |
| and received. Lifting a child onto a step gives your | | | | What if you had an irate customer complaining to you, |
| potential energy to become potential energy for the | | | | would you be able to switch to their point of view, and |
| child. Up escalators give you potential energy and | | | | see yourself from their perspective? Not only could |
| down elevators take your potential energy away, but | | | | this transform you, but feeling understood, the other |
| do you need it? Why guard the energy called money, | | | | person might suddenly warm up. |
| when we do not guard our carbon, air, heat, and | | | | Sources: |
| potential energy? | | | | "The Way of the Bodhisattva," by Shantideva. |
| Remember the feeling of being intimately a part of | | | | Regardless of what translation you have of the |
| nature or another person. Have you ever had a sense | | | | Bodhicaryavatara, Equalizing Self and Other appears in |
| of oneness or wonder? While being "at one," we feel | | | | Chapter 8, verses 90-98. Exchanging Self and Other |
| the importance of all needs and wants as if they were | | | | appears in Chapter 8, 141-154. If you are going to buy a |
| our own, and who knows, maybe this view is more | | | | copy, I recommend the 1997 translation by the |
| accurate? | | | | Padmakara translation group (Shambhala Classics), |
| Equalizing Self And Other includes any mental exercise | | | | which includes two very useful appendices written by |
| that ponders the many perspectives of our equality. | | | | modern Gurus that explain and expand on the |
| This works well as a writing exercise, in fact, I have | | | | practices, "Equalizing Self and Other," and "Exchanging |
| discovered a lot just by compiling these exercises for | | | | Self and Other." |
| this article! | | | | The practice, "Unconditional Giving and Taking," also |
| Exercise Two: Exchanging Self and Other. Attributed | | | | called "Sending and Receiving," "Tong Len" or |
| to Shantideva. | | | | "Tonglen," is attributed to 9th Century Atisha, and |
| Exchanging is a three-part meditation: visualizing a | | | | arrives in English through at least two books, notably |
| person who you judge as having lower status than | | | | "Healing Anger--The Power of Patience From a |
| yourself, equal competitors, and higher status. In each | | | | Buddhist Perspective," which is a transcription of |
| case, you switch your perspective, imagining how it is | | | | lectures given by the 14th (current) Dalai Lama in |
| to be the other person. From their eyes, you are now | | | | Arizona. The second source is "Training The Mind and |
| looking into your eyes, feeling a) how it feels to be | | | | Cultivating Loving Kindness," by a brilliant teacher, the |
| judged by you, and b) how this person judges you. | | | | late Chogyam Trungpa (Shambhala). |
| Part one: Higher to Lower | | | | The stories of Socrates are available freely if you |
| Do you know anyone who is pathetic, mean, stupid, or | | | | search the Internet, the most popular being Euthyphro, |
| worthless? Be honest. Get a person in mind that you | | | | Apology, Crito, and Phaedo. |
| look down upon. Imagine you two are actually sitting or | | | | |