| From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was | | | | - Attend to your own needs rather than expecting |
| demanding of attention, especially from her mother, | | | | others to meet your needs. |
| Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a "special" | | | | - Accept yourself rather than judge yourself. Validate |
| place in the family as the baby and the only girl. She | | | | yourself, approve of yourself - tell yourself the things |
| made sure to establish a "special" relationship with her | | | | you want to hear from others. Value your talents and |
| mother, who relished the connection since she didn't | | | | gifts. |
| have much of a relationship with her emotionally distant | | | | - Value your intrinsic worth rather than just your looks |
| husband. | | | | or performance - your kindness, compassion, creativity, |
| It was easy for Jennifer to control her mother's | | | | caring. |
| attention. Because her mother was needy for | | | | - Behave in ways that you value - being loving, kind, |
| emotional connection and afraid of not being liked, all | | | | integreous, compassionate, understanding, caring. |
| Jennifer had to do was get angry at her mother and | | | | - Pursue work you love, work that fulfills you, if |
| Sarah would capitulate, giving Jennifer the attention she | | | | possible. |
| craved. Jennifer learned early to control her mother by | | | | TAKE PHYSICAL RESPONSIBILITY: |
| becoming angry, critical and withholding love when her | | | | - Feed yourself well to maintain health and appropriate |
| mother didn't do what she wanted. Unwittingly, Sarah | | | | weight. |
| contributed to Jennifer's neediness, entitlement issues, | | | | - Get enough rest and exercise. |
| and the belief that happiness was dependent on | | | | - Create balance between work and play and creative |
| approval and attention from others. | | | | time. |
| Jennifer, now in her late 30's, finds herself continuing | | | | - Make sure you are physically safe such as when |
| the pattern she started with her mother - attaching to | | | | riding a motorcycle. |
| others in needy and demanding ways. The result is | | | | TAKE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY: |
| she has not been able to have a successful | | | | - Make sure you are financially independent rather than |
| relationship with any of the men she has dated. | | | | dependent upon another, if physically able to do so. |
| We all have a need to feel special. It is not the need | | | | - Spend within your means to avoid the fear and |
| that is dysfunctional, it is how we go about getting the | | | | stress of debt. |
| need met that can be either dysfunctional or healthy. It | | | | TAKE RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY: |
| is dysfunctional when we make others responsible for | | | | - Stand up for yourself and speak your truth rather |
| making us feel special. When others have to give us | | | | than complying, defending or resisting in the face of |
| attention, compliment us, seek us out, and attend to our | | | | others' demands or criticism. Don't be a victim. |
| wants and needs in order for us to feel special, our | | | | - Refrain from blaming others, with anger and criticism, |
| behavior is dysfunctional. | | | | for your feelings and behavior. Don't be a victim. |
| HEALTHY SPECIAL-NESS | | | | TAKE ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY: |
| You will stop pulling on others to make you special only | | | | - Do what you say you are going to do regarding time |
| when you accept the full responsibility of making | | | | and chores. |
| yourself feel special. This means learning to give | | | | - Make sure your living space and work environment |
| yourself all that you may be trying to get from others - | | | | are clean and tidy, and esthetically pleasing. |
| treating yourself in the loving ways you desire from | | | | TAKE SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY: |
| others. There are many ways of making ourselves | | | | - Take the time to connect with the love and truth of |
| feel special. Instead of trying to get others to give you | | | | God/Higher Power. |
| what you want, you can: | | | | - Take time throughout the day to bring the love down |
| - TAKE EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY: | | | | to the level of your feeling self - your Inner Child. |
| - Attend to your feelings throughout the day and | | | | Treating yourself in these loving ways will eventually |
| explore what you may be doing that is causing painful | | | | result in feeling internally special rather than needing |
| feelings, rather than making others responsible for your | | | | others to make you feel special. |
| feelings. | | | | |