| How often have you become irritated or angry, given | | | | no-win to me." |
| yourself up, started to argue or debate, teach or | | | | "Madison, when Andrew is critical or interrupts you |
| explain, or withdrew when someone was treating you | | | | when you are writing in your journal, how long does it |
| badly - ordering you around, judging you, blaming you, | | | | take you before you realize that it is bothering you?" |
| or dumping their complaints or negativity on you? How | | | | "I realize it right away, but most of the time I don't do |
| often have you behaved in any of these protective, | | | | anything about it. I guess I hope that he will just stop if I |
| controlling ways when someone is unknowingly | | | | don't respond. But he doesn't seem to get the hint - he |
| interrupting you when you are trying to focus on | | | | just goes right on being critical or talking at me." |
| something or get something done? How do you end | | | | "So by the time you say anything, you are irritated, is |
| up feeling when you behave in any of these ways? | | | | that right?" |
| The chances are you end up feeling angry, hurt, | | | | "Yes." |
| anxious, depressed, or numbed out. It is easy to believe | | | | "And then he reacts to your irritation?" |
| that these feelings are coming from the other person's | | | | "Yes, and gets mad." |
| behavior toward you, but this is not the case. Your | | | | "What do you think would happen if you attended to |
| unhappy feelings are coming from not taking loving | | | | your feelings and immediately said something, before |
| care of yourself. | | | | you were irritated?" |
| For example, Madison consulted with me because she | | | | "I think that would be much better. The few times I've |
| was feeling depressed. She and Andrew had been | | | | done that, Andrew reacts well. When I'm able to say |
| married for 12 years. She loved Andrew and felt that | | | | something like, "Honey, can you hold on a sec? I'm in |
| they had a deep soul connection. Yet she was often | | | | the middle of something," he is fine." |
| unhappy around him. | | | | "What do you think stops you from speaking your |
| "Andrew can be very critical. As soon as something | | | | truth right away, so that you can say it without blame |
| doesn't go his way, he tends to take it out on me, | | | | or judgment?" |
| finding some way to blame me for the situation. If I | | | | "I think I'm not caring enough about how I feel. I'm |
| interrupt him at something, he gets extremely annoyed, | | | | immediately aware when I don't like something, but |
| but if I just get a little annoyed when he interrupts me, | | | | somehow I seem to discount my feelings until I'm |
| like he does lots of times when we are together in the | | | | irritated." |
| evening and I'm writing in my journal, he gets really | | | | Madison decided to stop discounting her feelings and |
| angry." | | | | to practice speaking her truth immediately. She found |
| "How do you generally handle these situations?" I | | | | that when she was about to speak her truth right |
| asked her. | | | | away, she could do it without blame or judgment. |
| "I've tried different things. Sometimes I try to get him to | | | | Things between her and Andrew dramatically |
| see what he is doing. Sometimes I just get quiet, and | | | | improved. Madison was surprised to discover that she |
| sometime I try to pacify him." | | | | had been being just as critical as Andrew. Once she |
| "How do you feel when you do these things?" | | | | started to speak up for herself from her loving Adult |
| "Lousy. If I say anything it often leads to an argument, | | | | rather than from her wounded self, her depression |
| and if I don't I end up feeling badly. It seems like a | | | | went away. |