| Rebecca was struggling with 3 year old Kevin's | | | | prescribing the symptom also pointed out to him the |
| screaming. Whenever someone didn't do what he | | | | absurdity of screaming to get his way. |
| wanted, he screamed and screamed, hoping to get his | | | | Prescribing the symptom can work for many |
| way. Rebecca had tried many different things to get | | | | behaviors: |
| Kevin to stop screaming, such as time outs, telling him | | | | "Maybe if you whine even more, you will get what you |
| to use his words, walking away and ignoring him, taking | | | | want." |
| away toys and taking away events, such as a | | | | "I don't think your temper tantrum is quite doing it. |
| birthday party. A couple of times she had lost it and | | | | Maybe if you kick harder and cry louder, you will get |
| screamed back at him. Nothing was working to get | | | | what you want. I'm sure you can do better than this." |
| Kevin to stop screaming. Even though screaming didn't | | | | "You know, that's a pretty good pout. But it's not quite |
| work for him to get his way, he kept doing it. | | | | good enough. Maybe if you pout even more you can |
| As Rebecca and I discussed it in a phone session, it | | | | get what you want." |
| became apparent to me that Kevin and Rebecca | | | | "You are putting up a pretty good argument. Maybe if |
| were stuck in a power struggle, with Rebecca trying | | | | you argue longer and louder, you will get what you |
| to get Kevin to stop screaming and Kevin doing | | | | want." |
| everything he could to resist being controlled. We | | | | You need to be sure that you do this right away, |
| needed another tactic. | | | | before you feel angry or frustrated. You need to be |
| "Rebecca, the next time Kevin screams, do what I call | | | | able to keep it light. It is important for your child to see |
| 'prescribing the symptom.' This means that you say to | | | | you calm rather than flustered. Sometimes kids act out |
| Kevin something like, "Kevin, maybe you are not | | | | just to feel the sense of control over their parents' |
| screaming loud enough. Maybe if you scream louder, | | | | behavior when their parents get angry and flustered. It |
| you will get what you want." You need to say it in a | | | | can give children a sense of power to upset people so |
| light tone of voice, with no anger. Almost | | | | much bigger than them. |
| matter-of-factly." | | | | Fortunately or unfortunately, prescribing the symptom |
| The next time Kevin screamed, Rebecca did exactly | | | | can work with adults too - adults who are acting like |
| that. | | | | kids and going into resistance. Many people |
| "Kevin looked at me like 'are you kidding me?' and | | | | automatically resist as soon as they think someone is |
| screamed louder. So I told him that it must not be loud | | | | trying to control them and prescribing the symptom |
| enough, so he screamed louder. When I told him it still | | | | can work wonders with these resistant people. |
| wasn't loud enough, he looked at me like I was nuts | | | | It might even work with your self. If you find yourself |
| and stopped screaming. He hasn't screamed like that | | | | reaching for the box of cookies when you have |
| since!" | | | | vowed to lose weight, telling yourself that maybe |
| So what happened here? What happened is that | | | | eating the whole box will make you feel better and |
| Kevin was screaming to not be controlled by | | | | solve whatever problem or feelings you are trying to |
| Rebecca, as well as hoping to get his way. When she | | | | avoid with the cookies might just stop you in your |
| actually told him to scream, the only way he could not | | | | tracks, as it did with Kevin! |
| be controlled by her was to stop screaming! Her | | | | |