| "How can I know when I'm really in love?" asked Ruby, | | | | and his deep caring for people. Eventhough he would |
| a client of mine. | | | | not be considered a handsome man, I love how |
| "How can I know if what I feel for Jim is really love or | | | | helooks. There's something about his mouth and the |
| just infatuation? | | | | look in his eyes thatjust fills me with love. And I love |
| How can I know if this feeling will last?" | | | | the passion he has about both his workand his hobbies |
| Ruby and Jim had been dating for 11 months and were | | | | I love his playfulness. We laugh a lot together. " |
| consideringmarriage. Ruby, 32, felt "head over heels" in | | | | "How is this different than what you loved about |
| love with Jim, but she hadfelt head over heels in love | | | | Adam or Mark?" |
| with Adam, as well as with Mark. | | | | "I think that with both Adam and Mark I was pretty |
| "That feeling didn't last with Adam or Mark. How do I | | | | much blown away bytheir looks - they were both |
| know it will last with | | | | hunks. Both of them were also verysuccessful and |
| Jim? How can you tell when it's the real thing?" | | | | very social. They took me to nice places and |
| "Ruby," I told her, "the answer to this important question | | | | greatvacations. Jim is not as financially successful nor |
| depends uponwhich part of you feels 'in love' and | | | | as social, yet I feelmuch safer with him. I think that I |
| which part of Jim you are 'in love'with." | | | | also feel in love with Adam's power inthe world. He |
| I explained to Ruby that she can be in love from her | | | | really seemed to have it together and his sense of |
| ego, or as we call itin the Inner Bonding process we | | | | powerturned me on. But he wasn't always nice to |
| teach, her wounded self. Or, she canbe in love from | | | | people, and he wasn'talways nice to me." |
| her true Self or core Self - her essence, her soul Self. | | | | "So it seems that with Adam and Mark, your wounded |
| Ifshe is in love from her wounded self, it will be about | | | | self was in lovewith their wounded selves - their more |
| external things andthe love will not last. But if she is in | | | | superficial qualities of looks,money and power. But it |
| love from her soul Self, it will beabout internal things, | | | | sounds like with Jim your essence is in lovewith his |
| and it is very likely that the love will see herthrough all | | | | essence. The qualities you say you are in love with |
| the challenges that come up in relationships. | | | | are qualitiesthat won't go away over time, because |
| "Ruby," I asked her, "What do you love about Jim?" | | | | they are soul qualities. Peoplecan certainly lose their |
| "I've been thinking about that a lot," she answered. "It's | | | | looks and their money, but it is unlikely that Jimwill lose |
| kind of funnysome of the things I love about him. I love | | | | the qualities that you love in him, especially if you |
| his walk and his smell. I lovethe way his eyes crinkle | | | | frequentlyexpress your appreciation for these qualities." |
| when he smiles, and I love his laugh. I love justbeing | | | | "So I really am in love with Jim! This really is different |
| next to him. There is something about his energy - I | | | | than my otherrelationships. You know, I think I've finally |
| don't quiteknow how to talk about it - that I love being | | | | grown up. The moresuperficial qualities just don't seem |
| around. I love his touch. Ilove his kindness and sensitivity | | | | to be so attractive to me anymore! |