| "I know that my boyfriend loves me, but he has a lot | | | | wounded self. |
| of women friends. I don't get why he has to have so | | | | Healing jealousy means that you need to learn to see |
| many women friends. I get scared and jealous when | | | | and value your beautiful essence. When you know |
| he spends time with another woman. I know I should | | | | and cherish your essence, then you know why your |
| trust him, but I don't, and I don't know what to do about | | | | partner loves you - and your fears of being replaced |
| this." | | | | go away. |
| "My wife is a very social person and makes friends | | | | How do you get to know your own essence? We |
| easily, with both men and women. I keep feeling that | | | | cannot see our essence through the eyes of our |
| one of these days she is going to meet a man who | | | | wounded self. Our wounded self sees ourselves |
| offers her more than I do. I feel insanely jealous | | | | through the filter of others' perceptions of us, so we |
| whenever another man even looks at her. What do I | | | | may end up seeing ourselves in the distorted way our |
| do about these feelings?" | | | | parents, other caregivers, siblings, peers, teachers, |
| I frequently receive emails from people asking how | | | | religious leaders, or relatives may have seen us as |
| they can stop feeling so jealous. | | | | children. |
| Jealousy is caused by not knowing who you really are. | | | | In order to know your own essence, you need to be |
| By who you really are, I mean your true Self, your | | | | able to see yourself from a higher perspective - from |
| essence - the soul aspect of you that is created in the | | | | the eyes of your Higher Self, your older wise Self. |
| image of God. Your essence is a beautiful and perfect | | | | Right now, imagine an older, very wise part of you that |
| individualized expression of the Divine - deeply lovable | | | | can see the truth of who you are. Imagine this part of |
| and loving. But if you don't know your own essence, | | | | you looking at you a small child - before you |
| then you think you are your wounded self. | | | | developed much of your wounded self. What are you |
| Your wounded self - your ego - is your conditioned, | | | | like? Are you loving, kind, alive, and curious? You might |
| programmed self. This is the self we developed as we | | | | have to go back to seeing yourself as a baby, or even |
| were growing up to try to have control over getting | | | | before you came into the world. Go back as far as |
| love and avoiding pain. Our wounded self may be | | | | you need to, to see the essence of you - the truth of |
| insecure, angry, depressed, anxious, controlling, weak, | | | | who you are. |
| addicted, and judgmental. Our wounded self is | | | | If you practice Inner Bonding® and learn to |
| generally not very lovable. When someone loves us, it | | | | embrace the truth of who you are, and begin to treat |
| is our essence that they love, not our wounded self. | | | | yourself as you would treat any lovable and cherished |
| However, while people who love you see your | | | | being (such as you might treat your children or a pet), |
| essence, you might not. If your parents were unable to | | | | you would start to feel much more lovable and secure. |
| see your essence because they could not see their | | | | When you do this long enough and consistently |
| own, then you grew up thinking that your essence is | | | | enough, you will discover that you no longer feel |
| unworthy and that you are your wounded self. There | | | | jealous! |
| is no way to feel secure when you think you are your | | | | |