| Guilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself | | | | something wrong." |
| that you have done something wrong. | | | | "If she is hurt, then I must have done something wrong." |
| Healthy Guilt | | | | Many of us have been trained to believe that we are |
| Healthy guilt is the feeling that occurs when you have | | | | responsible for others' feelings, so that when others |
| actually done something wrong - such as deliberately | | | | are angry or hurt, it is our fault. But unless you |
| harming someone. This is an important feeling, which | | | | deliberately intended to harm someone, his or her |
| results from having developed a conscience - a loving | | | | feelings are not your responsibility. Others get hurt |
| adult self who is concerned with your highest good | | | | when they take your behavior personally, and they get |
| and the highest good of all. People who never | | | | angry when they make you responsible for their |
| developed a conscience and feel no guilt or remorse | | | | feelings. But this does not mean that you are |
| over harming others are called sociopaths. These | | | | responsible for their feelings. |
| people have no loving adult self and can wreck havoc | | | | You are responsible for your own intent. When you |
| - stealing, raping, killing - without ever feeling badly | | | | intend to harm someone, then you are responsible for |
| about it. | | | | the results of that. But when you just want to take |
| Healthy guilt results in taking responsibility for our | | | | care of yourself with no intent to harm anyone - such |
| choices and being accountable for our actions. When | | | | as want some time alone when your partner wants to |
| we have not behaved in a way that is in our highest | | | | spend time with you - then you are not responsible for |
| good and the highest good of all, our loving adult self | | | | your partner's upset. |
| will feel remorse and take over, doing whatever we | | | | Unhealthy guilt comes from telling yourself a lie. When |
| have to do to remedy the situation. | | | | the wounded, programmed critical part of you takes |
| Unhealthy Guilt | | | | over and tells you that doing what you want with no |
| Unhealthy guilt results from telling yourself that you | | | | intent to harm anyone is wrong, that is when you will |
| have done something wrong when you haven't | | | | feel unhealthy guilt. This critical part of you wants to |
| actually done something wrong. For example, if you | | | | control how others feel about you, and so tells you the |
| decide to do something for yourself with no intent to | | | | lie that you are responsible for others' feelings. |
| harm anyone, and someone gets upset with you for | | | | Unhealthy guilt also arises when someone blames you |
| doing what you want instead of doing what he or she | | | | for his or her feelings and you take on the blame. |
| wants, what do you tell yourself? Here are some of | | | | Many people have learned to blame others for their |
| the inner statements that can lead to unhealthy guilt: | | | | feelings rather than take responsible for their own |
| "It's my fault that he is feeling angry." | | | | feelings. When you accept this blame, it is because |
| "I should have done what she wanted instead of what | | | | you want to believe that you can control others' |
| I wanted. I have caused her to feel hurt." | | | | feelings. You will feel unhealthy guilt when you accept |
| "I'm being selfish in doing what I want to do." | | | | blame for others' feelings. |
| "It's my duty to put myself aside and do what others | | | | Healthy guilt is an important feeling and leads to |
| want me to do." | | | | positive action, but unhealthy guilt is a waste of energy. |
| "If he gets angry with me, then I must have done | | | | |