| WHAT IS SOCIAL PHOBIA? | | | | SELF-ABANDONMENT |
| Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of | | | | You are abandoning yourself when you refuse to |
| interacting with others in various situations: groups, | | | | define your own worth and lovability and instead make |
| work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or | | | | others responsible for your sense of worth. You are |
| store, and so on. People with social phobia experience | | | | abandoning yourself when you refuse to take |
| extreme anxiety or panic when they know that they | | | | responsibility for your own feelings and instead make |
| have to talk or interact with others. They often find | | | | others responsible for your feelings of anxiety or |
| themselves isolating rather than risk the rejection or | | | | safety. Once you make others responsible - especially |
| ridicule that they fear. | | | | authority figures whose acceptance you desperately |
| People with social phobia may be saying things to | | | | want - there is no way you will not be anxious when |
| themselves such as: | | | | with them. |
| * What if I make a fool of myself? | | | | Once you hand away to others the responsibility for |
| * What if I can't think of anything to say? | | | | making you feel okay, then you have to try to control |
| * What if I say something stupid? | | | | how they feel about you by doing everything "right." |
| * What if people think I'm weird? | | | | Trying to control how others feel about you always |
| * What if no one wants to talk with me? | | | | causes anxiety. Your anxiety is letting you know that |
| * What if everyone can see how nervous I am? | | | | you have abandoned yourself and that you are trying |
| * What if I blush? | | | | to do something you cannot do - which is to control |
| Social phobia comes from an extreme fear of being | | | | whether or not others accept you or reject you. |
| judged and rejected by others. The fear may turn to | | | | When you are not giving to yourself the acceptance, |
| panic when in the presence of an authority figure. | | | | approval, and attention you need to feel lovable and |
| WHAT CAUSES SOCIAL PHOBIA? | | | | worthy, then you will invariably try to get approval, |
| Imagine that you have a small child whom you are | | | | acceptance and attention from others, which creates |
| taking to a birthday party of peers. Imagine that you tell | | | | much anxiety. |
| the child before the party, "You must make sure that | | | | HEALING SOCIAL PHOBIA |
| you do everything right so that the people at the party | | | | Healing social phobia is about learning to love yourself - |
| like you, because if they don't like you, then you are | | | | to accept and value yourself and to take responsibility |
| unlovable and worthless." Do you think this would | | | | for your own feelings. People who love themselves go |
| cause the child to be very anxious? | | | | into social situations to share their caring with others. |
| You would probably never say this to an actual child, | | | | When you feel good about yourself, you want to offer |
| yet this is what you are saying to yourself - to the child | | | | your smile, your interest, your attention, and your caring |
| within you, which is your feeling self. You are telling | | | | to others. You are far more concerned with what you |
| yourself that your worth is determined by others liking | | | | want go GIVE to others than with what you want to |
| you or rejecting you: if they like you, you are okay, and | | | | GET or what you want to AVOID. |
| if they don't, you are worthless. | | | | If you want to heal your social phobia, then you need |
| This is self-abandonment, and is the root cause of | | | | to stop judging yourself and start loving yourself. |
| social phobia. | | | | |