| "I feel like giving up," Emma told me in our first phone | | | | doing that is causing you to be so unhappy?'" |
| session. "I've worked and worked on myself and I'm still | | | | Emma did this. |
| miserable. I've had years of therapy and I still feel | | | | "Now allow your feeling self, which is your inner child, to |
| unbearably depressed. Nothing is working." | | | | answer you. Move into your unhappiness and allow |
| It sounds to me like you are abandoning yourself." | | | | that part of you to speak." |
| "What do you mean? I take good care of myself. I eat | | | | Emma's child: "You don't even know I exist. You never |
| well, exercise daily, work hard and take care of | | | | pay any attention to me. You never listen to me. You |
| finances - in fact I'm doing really well financially - and I | | | | judge me all the time. You are constantly telling me I'm |
| pamper myself. I get massages, get my nails done, and | | | | not doing things right and that I'm not good enough." |
| buy beautiful clothes. I have a nice house, a caring | | | | Emma was stunned. "Wow! That's right! I am always |
| husband, and two wonderful children. I DO take care | | | | judging myself. Is this what is causing my misery?" |
| of myself, which is why I feel like giving up. I don't get | | | | "Yes, it's part of it. Not only are you judging yourself, |
| why you are telling me that I'm abandoning myself." | | | | but then you ignore how you feel when you judge |
| "What are you feeling right now?" | | | | yourself. Then you project out on to others the fact |
| "Miserable and angry at you for not understanding." | | | | that you are judging yourself and not listening to or |
| "Are you willing to take responsibility for being the | | | | understanding yourself. You got angry at me for not |
| cause of your anger and misery?" | | | | understanding you, which is a projection of you not |
| "What do you mean?" | | | | understanding you. These are all ways you are |
| "Are you willing to know that you are the cause of | | | | abandoning yourself, which is what is causing your |
| your misery and anger and to learn what you are | | | | unhappiness. Now, ask your Guidance - your older |
| doing to cause it?" | | | | wiser self - what you need to do so that your inner |
| "Okay, but I don't know what to do." | | | | child starts to feel loved by you." |
| "Emma, do you have any kind of spiritual connection?" | | | | Emma asks. "She says that I need to stop judging |
| "No, I don't believe in God." | | | | myself." |
| "I'd like you to imagine your own higher self - an older, | | | | "Emma, I suggest that you start to notice your |
| wiser version of you. Are you willing to do that?" | | | | judgments without judging yourself for judging yourself. |
| "Okay." | | | | You cannot stop something that you are not aware of |
| "Right now, just take a deep breath and imagine that | | | | doing. So just start to notice." |
| you are sitting with a very unhappy child. Focus in your | | | | Emma did start to notice, which enabled her to |
| heart and imagine that your older, wiser self is with | | | | gradually become less judgmental of herself. |
| you. Ask her to bring compassion into your heart for | | | | Eventually, she stopped abandoning herself and |
| your unhappy inner child. Find a place in you that really | | | | learned to treat herself with love. |
| wants to learn about what you are thinking and doing | | | | "You know what?" she said to me in a phone session. |
| that is causing your inner child to be so unhappy. Now | | | | "I feel joy for the first time in my life! |
| ask your inner child out loud, 'What am I thinking or | | | | |