| During my healing process from complex OCD, | | | | surprised about how unaware I was of the verbal chat |
| phobias and panic attacks I saw three Person-Centred | | | | coming out of my mouth. Sometimes the only person |
| Counsellors spread out over a six year period. | | | | not listening to what you are saying is you. In |
| The third counsellor I still see on a monthly basis for | | | | counselling what you say and feel is summarised and |
| emotional maintenance - I find the experience so | | | | reflected back to you for clarification. |
| beneficial (even lottery winners can benefit from | | | | A good counsellor (and I have never met a bad one) |
| seeing a counsellor every now and again!) and as a | | | | will seem to disappear from your conscious |
| part of their professional practice counsellors | | | | awareness at times because you become so |
| themselves are required to have professional | | | | wrapped up in the process and they are so good at |
| counselling sessions in order to remain emotionally | | | | being there for you it is as if your minds were fully |
| clear for their clients. | | | | working together. The sense of this other mind |
| The first two counsellors I saw were provided for | | | | working with yours can remain in between sessions as |
| short periods by my doctor but the third I met through | | | | you start to pay more and more attention to yourself - |
| work and this coincided with my being ready to start | | | | you become much more self-aware. |
| the healing plan I had designed for myself. In my | | | | Declutterer |
| day-job I act as a referrer, occasionally passing people | | | | Sometimes the first ten minutes or so of a session |
| on to a counselling team and I have an Intermediate | | | | may be used to clear out your emotional baggage of |
| Certificate in Person-Centred Counselling - this | | | | the day before moving on to the longer term issues. |
| qualification is enough to understand the role of a | | | | The Counsellor will not tell you what to believe or clear |
| Counsellor but not to practice professionally as one. | | | | out of the way - you will decide this. They are trained |
| Trained, experienced counsellors of this type are | | | | to support you, not tell you what to focus on. On |
| guided by a number of ethical principles, one of the | | | | occasion my counsellors were 'emergency support' if |
| most important being the principle of client autonomy. | | | | something really painful had happened recently and |
| This principle establishes that you decide the direction | | | | had distracted me from the long term work I was |
| of your counselling sessions. Person-centred | | | | doing on healing my anxiety disorders. |
| counsellors may suggest options for you to consider | | | | These new emotional emergencies sorted out much |
| when you get stuck or when you ask them for advice, | | | | quicker with my having counselling support already in |
| but they are unlikely to make final decisions for you or | | | | place (pity we do not have these folks to hand when |
| design and recommend a healing plan for you - that is | | | | our anxiety disorders start to develop, eh, but the truth |
| your job. | | | | is we are blind to what is going on inside of us at the |
| The role of a counsellor of this type is to help you | | | | pre-disorder stage). |
| learn to become expert in understanding and working | | | | Personal Cheerleader |
| with yourself, rather than in your coming to regard | | | | Counsellors are not just there for the unhappy |
| them as the 'wise and wonderful guru of the inner me' | | | | experiences - they can help you acknowledge yours |
| who can give you the secrets you need for | | | | wins too. There may be things you have recovered |
| self-governance (they may well be this amazing | | | | from and you wish to celebrate the recovery but it |
| character but it is not what they are employed to do). | | | | would be inappropriate to do so with the people in your |
| There are a number of ethical and professional | | | | personal life - that relative you have finally forgiven for |
| conduct principles which Person-Centred Counsellors | | | | stealing your christmas present money ten years ago |
| are trained to stick to and at your first meeting they | | | | - how appropriate would it be to tell them you had |
| will explain these to you. In this article I want to highlight | | | | nightmares of cooking them over a slow heat on a |
| five powerful, almost unconscious, services they | | | | gas cooker all that time but they can rest easy now? |
| provide which you will probably not see advertised or | | | | Or why not tell your mates how you have overcome |
| even spoken about during your sessions, but which I | | | | obsessive imagery related to the throwing of children |
| became increasingly aware of during my healing | | | | out of windows? Not a good idea, is it? I have actually |
| process: | | | | lost friends following on from telling them I had |
| - Acceptance Coach | | | | recovered from a phobia of lampposts. |
| - Living Mirror | | | | It really is important to celebrate your wins and |
| - Declutterer | | | | sometimes your counsellor will stop you to make sure |
| - Personal Cheerleader | | | | you do this. It is so easy to move straight on to the |
| - Reliable Milestone Marker. | | | | next emotional issue you have to deal with without |
| Acceptance Coach | | | | acknowledging your progress. This leads me on to the |
| These Counsellors are trained in the principle of | | | | next benefit of the counselling experience - Milestone |
| unconditional positive regard (UPR) - this means they | | | | Marker. |
| spend time entering into your viewpoint of your life and | | | | Reliable Milestone Marker |
| respect your right to be you. Their role is to achieve | | | | You may have come a very long way - but have not |
| empathy with your experience - 'wear your shoes to | | | | mentally registered much of it. This may be partly due |
| the point they feel where they pinch'. After a couple of | | | | to short-term memory loss and also to emotional |
| sessions with a counsellor who achieves this with you | | | | non-relativity. |
| something magical happens. You unconsciously notice | | | | When undergoing periods of intense emotional |
| this professional person, who you respect, finds your | | | | self-work it can be almost impossible to think clearly. I |
| internal horror stories easier to accept than you do. | | | | found myself going through phases where just to put |
| Things you find unacceptable about yourself they find | | | | one word down on paper was difficult. I recorded a lot |
| perfectly normal. | | | | of my experiences using simple mind maps and these |
| In this way a counsellor can lead you towards | | | | would later remind me of things I noticed during the |
| accepting experiences you previously could not accept | | | | healing process - which meant going through extended |
| in your Unconscious Mind. This affect stays with you | | | | periods of intense emotional exposure therapy. Intense |
| long after your counselling sessions have ended and | | | | emotional states blank memory due to your brain being |
| quite often the act of discussing the 'unacceptable' will | | | | in 'emergency mode' - it works the same for emotional |
| create an insight for you that prepares you more fully | | | | disorders as it does with any other life event triggering |
| for the next session. The affect is so deep that when | | | | an intense emotional response. |
| you are not with your counsellor and you are facing up | | | | Similarly, your Unconscious Mind tends to focus on |
| to difficult emotional issues alone it is as if that level of | | | | how you feel right now. It does not automatically tell |
| acceptance remains with you and you are able to | | | | itself how great you feel compared to last year. If you |
| become your own counsellor. | | | | feel a bit rubbish today you may not see any benefit in |
| Living Mirror | | | | telling yourself to think back to a time you felt ten times |
| Summary and reflection skills are used by the | | | | worse - but you will if you do it. |
| Counsellor to demonstrate you are being actively | | | | Sometimes my day-job can be quite intellectually |
| listened to - this professional person has no personal | | | | stressful. I just remind myself of a time when I earned |
| agenda other than to support you in yours. They will | | | | a living in a place where people smashed broken |
| not support you in committing criminal acts or other | | | | bottles over my head when they got drunk - makes |
| really harmful behaviour, there are formal boundaries | | | | my current job look like the best job on Earth. |
| and requirements in place, but equally they will not try | | | | Your Counsellor has a fully functioning memory and will |
| to impose their personal beliefs about 'what you should | | | | occasionally remind you of how far you have come - |
| do next'. | | | | both in terms of your intellectual understanding of |
| Your feelings, and the content of what you say, are | | | | yourself and also in terms of how what you feel now |
| taken seriously. Subtle things hardly noticed by you as | | | | and how it relates to how you felt when you first |
| you say them may be presented back to you as | | | | started seeing them. |
| open-ended questions for you to explore further. | | | | And there is more... |
| When this is done in a non-judgemental way it | | | | Person--Centred Counselling is not just about going |
| validates your experience of life and helps clarify the | | | | and talking to someone - the affects of this process |
| realities you live with. You may be lightly challenged | | | | are subtle but over time you will notice fundamental |
| where the information reflected back to you appears | | | | changes in your Unconscious. Self-criticism fades and |
| to conflict. For example if you laugh whilst relating a | | | | is replaced by an acceptance of what it is to be |
| particularly painful experience the counsellor may ask | | | | human. You will find yourself more supportive of |
| you to explain what is behind the laughter - this | | | | others because at some point you decided to better |
| enables you to identify your underlying thinking | | | | support yourself. |
| processes and beliefs more clearly for yourself. | | | | The time and money you put into getting counselling |
| I remember once a relative taped me while I was | | | | support is an investment in yourself that can benefit |
| talking to myself at home and played it back to me - I | | | | you and others for the rest of your life. |
| had no recall at all of this self-talk and was really | | | | |