| Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful | | | | take rejection personally, and learns to set appropriate |
| experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes | | | | limits against engulfment. |
| close to the experience of sharing our deepest | | | | When we learn how to take personal responsibility for |
| thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply | | | | defining our own worth instead of making others' love |
| seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, | | | | and approval responsible for our feelings of worth, we |
| and/or creativity. The experience of intimacy fills our | | | | will no longer take rejection personally. This does not |
| souls and takes away our loneliness. | | | | mean that we will like rejection - it means we will no |
| Why, then, would someone be afraid of intimacy? | | | | longer be afraid of it and have a need to avoid it. |
| It is not actually the intimacy itself that people fear. If | | | | When we learn how to speak up for ourselves and |
| people could be guaranteed that intimacy would | | | | not allow others to invade, smother, dominate and |
| continue to be a positive experience, they would have | | | | control us, we will no longer fear losing ourselves in a |
| no fear of it. What they fear is the possibility of getting | | | | relationship. Many people, terrified of losing the other |
| hurt as a result of being intimate with another. | | | | person, will give themselves up in the hope of |
| Many people have two major fears that may cause | | | | controlling how the other person feels about them. |
| them to avoid intimacy: the fear of rejection - of losing | | | | They believe that if they comply with another's |
| the other person, and the fear of engulfment - of being | | | | demands, the other will love them. Yet losing oneself is |
| invaded, of being controlled and losing oneself. | | | | terrifying, so many people stay out of relationships due |
| Because we have all learned to react to conflict with | | | | to this fear. If they were to learn to define their own |
| various controlling behaviors - from anger and blame to | | | | worth and stand up for themselves, the fear would |
| compliance, withdrawal, and resistance - every | | | | disappear. |
| relationship presents us with these issues of rejection | | | | The Inner Bonding process we teach is a process |
| and engulfment. If one person gets angry, the other | | | | designed to create a powerful inner adult self capable |
| may feel rejected or controlled and get angry back, | | | | of not taking rejection personally and of setting limits |
| give themselves up, withdraw or resist. If one person | | | | against loss of self. Anyone can learn this six-step |
| shuts down, the other may feel rejected and become | | | | process and, with practice, heal fears of intimacy. |
| judgmental, which may trigger the other's fears of | | | | Through practicing the Inner Bonding process, you learn |
| engulfment, and so on. These protective circles exist in | | | | to value and cherish who you really are and take full |
| one form or another in every relationship. When the | | | | responsibility for your own feelings of worth, lovability, |
| fears of rejection and engulfment become too great, a | | | | safety, security, pain and joy. When you deeply value |
| person may decide that it is just painful to be in a | | | | yourself, you do not take rejection personally and |
| relationship and they avoid intimacy altogether. | | | | become non-reactive to rejection. When you value |
| Yet avoiding relationships leads to loneliness and lack | | | | yourself, you will not give yourself up to try to control |
| of emotional and spiritual growth. Relationships offer us | | | | another's feelings about you. When you value yourself, |
| the most powerful arena for personal growth, if we | | | | you are willing to lose another rather than lose yourself. |
| accept this challenge. So what moves us beyond the | | | | You can start to learn the powerful Inner Bonding |
| fear of intimacy? | | | | process now by downloading our Free Inner Bonding |
| The fear exists, not because of the experience itself, | | | | Course. Moving beyond your fears of intimacy will |
| but because a person doesn't know how to handle the | | | | open you to the deep personal and spiritual growth |
| situations of being rejected or controlled. The secret of | | | | that relationships can provide and the profound |
| moving beyond the fear of intimacy lies in developing a | | | | fulfillment and joy that loving relationships can offer. |
| powerful loving adult part of us that learns how to not | | | | |