| Dealing with addicted family members is always a big | | | | differently? Are you feeling sad, used, angry, or |
| challenge. There are some important issues to explore | | | | anxious much of the time? If this is the case, then you |
| when someone you love is harming themselves. | | | | need to start taking care of yourself rather than |
| ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM? | | | | abandoning yourself. |
| People use various addictions to avoid their painful | | | | TAKING LOVING ACTION |
| feelings, especially their feelings of anxiety, stress, | | | | If you completely accept your lack of control over the |
| aloneness, emptiness and loneliness. Is there some | | | | other person and stop caretaking them or judging |
| way that you are contributing to their pain? While you | | | | them, and if you tune into yourself and discover that |
| are not responsible for how someone deals with pain, | | | | you are distressed as a result of this relationship, then |
| you are responsible for anything you are doing that | | | | you have some hard decisions to make. |
| may be contributing to it. Some of the ways you might | | | | It is very important to understand that whatever is truly |
| be contributing are:o Being judgmental toward the | | | | in your highest good, is also in the highest good of all. |
| addicted person in an effort to control them regarding | | | | When you take loving care of yourself, you open the |
| their addictions or regarding other behavior.o | | | | door for others to take loving care of themselves. |
| Caretaking the addicted person by covering up for | | | | What are some of the loving actions to take regarding |
| them or doing things for them that they need to be | | | | the addicted person?o Join the appropriate 12-Step |
| doing for themselves.o Being discounting or dismissive | | | | group to help you move out of enabling the addicted |
| toward them, when they try to share their feelings with | | | | person and out of enmeshment with him or her.o Get |
| you, about something you might be doing that is difficult | | | | professional help to heal your need to control through |
| for them.o Telling yourself that you are responsible for | | | | your caretaking or through being judgmental.o Contact |
| them, rather than taking loving care of yourself. | | | | a professional who does interventions and bring |
| ACCEPTING YOUR LACK OF CONTROL | | | | together all the people who are sad about the situation |
| Regardless of how you might be contributing to the | | | | and are willing to stop contact with the addicted |
| problem, their choice to act out addictively is still 100% | | | | person until he or she goes into a treatment center or |
| their choice, and you cannot control this. When you do | | | | gets some other form of good help.o Decide for |
| not accept your powerlessness over another's | | | | yourself that you will no longer be involved with the |
| choices and behavior, then you might stay in situations | | | | family member as long as he or she is acting out the |
| that are detrimental to you, trying to get the other | | | | addiction. This means leaving the relationship, which |
| person to change. | | | | may be a very hard thing to do. You may need |
| STAYING TUNED IN TO YOUR OWN FEELINGS | | | | professional help to take this action.o Accept the |
| AND NEEDS | | | | person as he or she is, completely accepting that the |
| Are you focused on the addicted person rather than | | | | addiction will continue, and learn to take care of |
| on your feelings and needs? Are you putting yourself | | | | yourself within the situation. |
| aside in your attempts to help them? Are you | | | | When you completely accept your lack of control and |
| abandoning yourself in your efforts to get them to | | | | deal with your own controlling behavior, then you can |
| stop abandoning themselves and harming themselves? | | | | open to learning about the loving action to take in your |
| If you focus on your own feelings and your | | | | own behalf and in behalf of the addicted family |
| responsibility for yourself, what would you be doing | | | | member. |