| Brent started to work with me after his wife, Carla, | | | | going to abandon him by going after someone who is |
| suddenly decided to leave the marriage. They had | | | | not a loving person, while pretending that she is." |
| been married five years and Brent thought everything | | | | "But I thought she was a loving person. She is a loving |
| was fine. Then Brent became ill and Carla withdrew. | | | | person deep down. If she went into counseling with |
| And then she was gone. | | | | me, we could work this out." |
| Brent was devastated. He loved Carla and wanted | | | | "Perhaps, but this is not who she is choosing to be. |
| her back. However, he soon learned that she had not | | | | You are not accepting the reality of who she is |
| been honest with him, even from the beginning of their | | | | choosing to be. You will always feel anxious when you |
| relationship. He learned that she had been more | | | | do not accept the reality of things. You keep thinking |
| interested in his money than in him. She was ruthlessly | | | | that if you say the right thing or do the right things, not |
| going after his money. | | | | only will she come back, but she will be willing to deal |
| After a couple of months, Brent was doing better. He | | | | with herself and be who you want her to be. None of |
| had let go of Carla and had started to date. Then | | | | this is reality. She has given you no indication that she |
| Carla sent him an email where her tone was softer | | | | is willing to go into counseling with you, no indication that |
| then it had been, and this sent Brent back into anxiety. | | | | she is interested in changing. You are making all of this |
| "I have been waking up anxious every morning," Brent | | | | up, and this is causing your anxiety." |
| told me in one of our phone sessions. "And feeling | | | | "I know that you are right, but this is so hard. It is so |
| anxiety a lot during the day." | | | | hard to let go." |
| "Brent, what are you telling yourself about Carla?" | | | | "Yes, your wounded ego self wants to believe that |
| "I keep wishing that things were back the way they | | | | you have control over something that you have no |
| were. I love her and I want her back. Her email made | | | | control over. You are having a hard time letting go of |
| me think that things could be back the way they | | | | control. But trying to control something over which you |
| were." | | | | have no control will always create anxiety. You are |
| "Brent, Carla left you when you were really sick. She | | | | not being in reality about what you have control over |
| lacked any compassion for you. You told me that you | | | | and what you don't have control over." |
| had noticed her lack of compassion toward other | | | | "Yes, I see that. I want control over getting Carla to be |
| people as well. Then she told you that she never loved | | | | the way I thought she was. I don't even like who she is |
| you. Now she is going after your money, even though | | | | right now, but I don't want to accept that this is who |
| she earns her own. You are not in reality about who | | | | she is choosing to be. I can see that I need to accept |
| Carla is. You are making her up, and this is what is | | | | this reality and not keep thinking that I can get her to |
| causing your anxiety. Your inner child - your feeling self | | | | come back and to be the way I thought she was. Ah, I |
| - is letting you know with this anxiety that you are off | | | | am starting to feel better! The anxiety is going away." |
| track in your thinking, that your thinking is not based in | | | | Anxiety results from not accepting how things are and |
| reality. And your inner child is anxious that you are | | | | of trying to control things that you cannot control. |