| Carole started counseling with me because she was | | | | none of the bad things she worried about ever |
| depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue | | | | happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened |
| syndrome for a long time and believed her depression | | | | because she worried! She really believed that she |
| was due to this. In the course of our work together, | | | | could control things with her worry. My father, |
| she became aware that her depression was actually | | | | however, never worried about anything, and nothing |
| coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a | | | | bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed |
| constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth | | | | that nothing bad happened to my father because of |
| centered around her concerns that something bad | | | | her worry! She really believed until the day she died |
| might happen. "What if I never get well?" "What if my | | | | (from heart problems that may have been due to her |
| husband gets sick?" "What if I run out of money?" | | | | constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, |
| (Carole and her husband ran a very successful | | | | everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, |
| business and there was no indication that it would not | | | | even without her worrying about him! |
| go on being successful). "What if my son gets into | | | | It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been |
| drugs?" "What if my kids don't get into good colleges?" | | | | practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for |
| "What if someone breaks into the house?" | | | | me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the |
| Her worry was not only causing her depression, but | | | | belief that worry has control over outcomes is a |
| was also contributing to her illness, if not actually | | | | complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry |
| causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her | | | | a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative |
| body that her immune system could not do its job of | | | | consequences on health and well-being. Once I |
| keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her | | | | understood this, I was able to notice the stomach |
| worry was causing her depression and possibly even | | | | clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop |
| her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was | | | | the thought that was causing the stress. |
| addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the | | | | Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that |
| sense of control that worry gave her. | | | | her worry makes her feel very anxious and |
| I understood this well because I come from a long line | | | | depressed. She sees that when she doesn't worry, |
| of worriers. My grandmother's whole life was about | | | | she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her |
| worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I | | | | addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when |
| don't remember ever seeing her without a look of | | | | she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the |
| worry on her face. Same with my mother - constant | | | | future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in |
| worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a | | | | stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not |
| worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, | | | | give her control. |
| who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I | | | | Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not |
| didn't want to live that way. The turning point came for | | | | easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an |
| me the day my husband and I were going to the | | | | interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that |
| beach and I started to worry that the house would | | | | when I am in the present moment, I have a much |
| burn down and my children would die. I became so | | | | better chance of making choices that support my |
| upset from the worry that we had to turn around and | | | | highest good than when I'm stuck thinking about the |
| come home. I knew then that I had to do something | | | | future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us |
| about it. | | | | from being present enough to make loving choices for |
| As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized | | | | ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving |
| that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things | | | | us less control rather than more! |
| from happening. My mother worried her whole life and | | | | |