| Randall sought my help because he was stuck being | | | | session the minute feelings came up. Over and over I |
| miserable and had no idea how to get out of his | | | | would bring him out of his head and into his body, into |
| misery. In his life he had experienced moments of | | | | his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that |
| great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but | | | | he could only stay with his feelings for a few moments |
| those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of | | | | before he was back into his head - explaining, figuring |
| those moments but had no idea how to bring them | | | | out, intellectualizing. He was so terrified of the soul |
| about. | | | | loneliness and aloneness he felt that he had learned to |
| Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some | | | | avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Randall |
| ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. | | | | was willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been |
| The problem was that when Randall did have those | | | | there since childhood, he couldn't stay out of his head. |
| brief moments of true connection, he immediately went | | | | As long as his intent was to control his pain rather than |
| into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The | | | | learn from it, he would not be able to move into the |
| moment he went into his mind, he lost the connection | | | | spiritual connection he so desired. |
| that he so desperately desired. | | | | The purpose of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, |
| The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as | | | | especially the deep soul loneliness that we all feel in |
| much as he wanted the joy of deep spiritual | | | | this society. The problem is that our disconnection from |
| connection, he wanted something even more than that | | | | our feelings - which is our Inner Child - creates |
| - control over that connection. Randall's ego wounded | | | | aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left |
| self believed that he could control the connection with | | | | alone inside with no one to attend to the painful |
| Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then | | | | feelings. It is only when our desire is to learn about how |
| he could control it. The last thing Randall wanted to do, | | | | we may be causing our own painful feelings that we |
| which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to | | | | open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also |
| surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to | | | | opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we |
| thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. | | | | cannot feel when our intent is to avoid pain with our |
| Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, | | | | various addictions. |
| such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness | | | | It took Randall many months to be willing to feel his |
| over others and over his spiritual connection. | | | | painful feelings, but he discovered that when he finally |
| Many us of are addicted to thinking. We believe if we | | | | had the courage to feel them, it was not as bad as he |
| can just figure things out we can control others and | | | | thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning his |
| the outcome of things. We want to control how | | | | Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no |
| people feel about us and treat us by saying just the | | | | longer felt alone within. Connecting with himself allowed |
| right thing - so we have to think about it over and over | | | | him to connect with Spirit more and more of the time. |
| to discover the right thing to say. This is called | | | | Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to |
| "ruminating." Ruminating is obsessively thinking about | | | | control it, he was getting there by being present in the |
| something over and over in the hopes of finally coming | | | | moment with his inner experience - surrendering to the |
| up with the "right" answer, the right thing to say, the | | | | moment. Randall found that while he could not control |
| right way to be to have control over others and the | | | | others and the outcome of things, he actually did have |
| outcome of things. Ruminating is also a way to have | | | | control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn |
| control over our own painful feelings, which is what | | | | rather than protecting against pain. While he couldn't |
| addictions are all about. | | | | control Spirit, he did have control his own intent, which |
| In my work with Randall, he would immediately go into | | | | eventually led to his being able to connect with Spirit. |
| his head and analyze what was happening in the | | | | |