| Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help | | | | eating whenhungry and stopping when full. |
| because sheoften felt inadequate. While she really | | | | * Getting enough exercise. |
| valued herself as a doctor, shedid not value herself in | | | | * Keeping your work and home environments clean |
| her important relationships with friends andfamily. In | | | | and organized. |
| addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving | | | | * Getting enough sleep. |
| relationship butshe took no actions to meet available | | | | * Creating a balance between work and play. Making |
| men. | | | | sure you havetime to get your work done, as well as |
| In the course of our work together, it became | | | | time to do nothing, reflect, learn,play and create. |
| apparent that Myrna rarelytook loving action in her | | | | * Creating a good support system of people who love |
| own behalf with her friends and family. Forexample, | | | | and care aboutyou. |
| Jessica, one of Myrna's friends, would often get angry | | | | * Being organized with your time, getting places on |
| andblame Myrna when Myrna was not available for | | | | time, paying bills ontime, and so on. |
| dinner with Jessica. | | | | * Choosing to be compassionate with yourself rather |
| Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica's | | | | than judgmentaltoward yourself. |
| feelings and meether for dinner even when she was | | | | * Creating a balance between time for yourself and |
| exhausted from work. Myrna wouldfeel drained after | | | | time with others. |
| these dinners and depressed for a few days | | | | * Making sure you are physically safe by wearing a |
| after,never realizing it was because she had not taken | | | | seat belt in a car, ahelmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or |
| loving care of herself. | | | | bike, goggles when necessary, andso on. |
| Myrna realized that the reason she was afraid to be in | | | | LOVING ACTIONS IN RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS |
| a relationshipwas because she had no idea how to | | | | Loving actions in relationship to others might include: |
| take care of herself around others. | | | | * Being kind and compassionate toward others without |
| She was terrified of completely losing herself in an | | | | compromisingyour own integrity or ignoring your own |
| importantrelationship. She realized that if she could not | | | | needs and feelings. |
| speak up for herself with | | | | * Saying no when you mean no and yes when you |
| Jessica, how could she ever speak up and take loving | | | | mean yes, ratherthan giving yourself up and going |
| action for herselfwith a man she was in love with? | | | | along with something you don't wantto do, or |
| She realized that she would continueto feel lonely, | | | | automatically resisting what another wants from you. |
| anxious, inadequate and depressed until she learned | | | | * Taking care of your own needs instead of trying to |
| totake loving action for herself. | | | | change and controlothers. Accepting your lack of |
| Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, | | | | control over others and either acceptingthem as they |
| stress, and anger aswell as from feelings of guilt, | | | | are or not being around them. |
| shame and inadequacy. The major causeof these | | | | * Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you |
| feelings is a lack of loving action in their own behalf. | | | | and what isunacceptable and then taking action for |
| Loving actions fall into two categories: Loving actions | | | | yourself based on your truth. |
| for yourself andloving actions in relationship to others. | | | | * Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings |
| LOVING ACTIONS FOR YOURSELF | | | | and needs,instead of being a victim and making others |
| Loving actions for yourself are those actions that | | | | responsible for yourfeelings and needs. |
| attend to your ownneeds. When you take loving action | | | | * Creating a balance between giving and receiving, |
| in your own behalf, you are lettingyourself know that | | | | rather than a one-way street with another person. |
| you matter, you are important, you count. When youfail | | | | As a result of learning to take better care of herself |
| to take loving action, you give yourself the message | | | | alone and withothers, Myrna no longer felt depressed |
| that you are notimportant, which leads to feelings of | | | | and inadequate. She graduallylost her fears of being in |
| depression and inadequacy. | | | | a relationship, and is delighted to be meetingavailable |
| Loving actions for yourself might include: | | | | men. |
| * Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, | | | | |